Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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