i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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