apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
