Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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