If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
