Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
