morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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