Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
