Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
