he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
