If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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