i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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