6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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