i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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