i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
