some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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