Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
