well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
