Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
