I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
