JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
