hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
