They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
