I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
