Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
