I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
