sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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