I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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