so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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