remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
