this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
