Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
