I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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