On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
