Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
