Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dicks are not precious.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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