Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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