I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
