I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
