we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
