I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
