you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
