I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
