I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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