yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
