Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
