she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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