Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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