Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
