You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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