I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
