RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
