Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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