Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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