that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
