STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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