I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
