you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
