shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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