I should be sponsored by Trojan
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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