i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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