Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
