this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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