Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Still dying that you shit outside
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
