didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
