Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
