at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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