Do you still have your period?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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