Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
