I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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