hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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