Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
