Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
