I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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