So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize