Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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