I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
