Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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