I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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