TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
