me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
