HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
