well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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