I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
