Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
