I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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