oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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