Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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