do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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