Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
